At first,
he thought it was a dream. It couldn't possibly be real--she
was gone, off in her place of joy and beauty, forever beyond his reach.
She couldn't be here, warm and smiling and sitting on the edge of his bed.
He sat
up, squinting through the remnants of sleep. It wasn't until
she reached out and touched him that he realized he wasn't still dreaming.
"Cordelia."
He barely dared to say her name, for fear she might disappear.
But she only smiled.
"Angel."
She was
glowing. Not as strongly as he'd seen her glow before; just a fine,
golden shimmer over the surface of her skin. The tips of her fingers
traced his face. He swallowed, still woozy from sleep. Or was
it the smell of her, so familiar, that he'd never expected to experience
again?
"Why.
. ." He covered her hand with his. "I don't understand.
How are you here?"
"They
let me come. Just to you."
"Why?"
"Because
you need me."
"I do."
He had been so empty since he'd come back and found her gone. So tired.
So much for him to deal with, and no one to lean on without her.
No one he could really open his heart to. He had come to depend
on her. "God, Cordy, I need you so much."
She leaned
toward him and he held her. "You have no idea what's been going
on--" he started.
"Shh.
It's all right." Her hand tipped his face closer to hers.
"Listen to me, Angel. They've given me power. New power.
My demon trumps yours. And on some level of reality, none of this is
actually happening. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
He swallowed,
hard. "I think so."
"Then
touch me."
He did.
Drew her close up against him, kissed her hard and deep. Let himself
go, because this was Cordelia, and he trusted her with his life.
With his soul.
And there
was no pain, no rending loss, even after he had poured himself into her,
as deep as he could be, and she had shivered under him, her eyes locked to
his. His head sagged to her shoulder and he kissed her throat, feeling
her pulse under his lips. A sudden urge to drink her sliced through
his body but he pushed it away.
"Cordy,
there's so much I have to tell you--"
"You can't."
She slid a hand down his cheek, kissed him again, gently. "I'm
sorry. I have to go."
And she
was gone, just like that. Spirited away right out from under him, leaving
him alone in the rumpled bed.
#
She came
every day that week--and so did he. She took him and tumbled
him, rode him and rolled him, but she never stayed.
A miracle,
he'd thought, that she could come to him like this, that he could love her.
He'd never experienced anything like this before, never been able to give
himself up to a woman completely--at least not more than once. At first
the feeling overwhelmed him, humbled him.
Until
he figured out what was wrong. The physical completion wasn't
enough. He needed her--needed her heart, not just her body.
Needed that more than her body.
When she
appeared on the seventh afternoon, he held her off.
"Why won't
you talk to me? I need to talk to you."
Her face
was sad. It occurred to him then that she had been sad the entire week.
Not quite the Cordy he knew. Close, but lacking something. "I
can't."
"Why not?"
"I can
be with you, be here for you, but only for this. Do you get it?
It's sex or nothing, Angel."
"No, I
don't get it. Why are they doing this to us?"
"Doing
what? Letting us be together?"
"This
isn't together. I mean, it's good--God, it's good, but--" He
strained for the words. "It's not right."
"It's
not what you want?"
"No.
I mean--" But it was what he meant. "No. It's not."
"What
do you want, Angel?"
"I want
you. The you who'll sit with me for hours and say absolutely nothing
until I'm ready to talk. The you who'll call me on the carpet
when I act like an ass. The you who says exactly what she thinks
and to hell with what anybody else thinks about it. You, Cordy.
I want you."
She nodded
slowly. Fleetingly, he wondered if it really was her at all, if any
of this had really happened. He had a sudden, sinking feeling
that this had been another test. Had he failed?
Gently,
she touched his lips. "Then you've made your choice."
And she
disappeared. Faded into that odd, golden glow and disappeared.
"Cordy!"
he called, desperate, but she was gone.
END.
